i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
