Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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