I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I need to align my fucking chakras
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
