There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
