I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
do herpes really smell.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
