This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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