I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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