I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
