dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
