i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Randomize
