I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Dear god my vagina.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
