Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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