I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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