Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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