Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i love accidental penises.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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