Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
