its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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