I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
