plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
