She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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