check it out our google latitudes are spooning
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
