apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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