You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Actions speak louder than pants.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
