if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
