By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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