why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Randomize
