Is it normal to miss your booty call?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
