Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
