Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
