So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
