i can't believe i had my finger in that
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
