4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
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