Dude my mom stole all your condoms
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Send help, water and tortillas.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
