i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
