If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
