she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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