that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
