i was born a porn star she said
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
