he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
