He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
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