I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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