Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
