I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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