I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
