Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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