I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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