I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
