Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
