Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
