Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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