Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
