3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
