I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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