it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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