the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
