I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
